So I know long time to write, but I’ve sorta had a lot going of in my world lately. So let me give you an update….
Well G and I are officially over, got fired from a job, made some really bad decisions that really hurt some people who I loved and who cared about me, I had a suicide attempt, and spent some time in Ridge view (a treatment center near me), and now I am slowly putting my life back together.
The break up was pretty nasty. Although I loved him like crazy (and still do), he was incredibly abusive, sexually, emotionally and physically. But I stayed because I loved him, and as a very wise person once told me, we accept the love we think we deserve. So please don’t judge or get preachy about how I should have left him sooner, I left when I could and now I deal with the damage that he did.
So my suicide attempt was a disaster and one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made, and yet sometimes I find myself wishing it had worked. I know thats horrible and I beat myself up every time that thought crosses my mind, but some days it’s hard to find the fight to live. Ridge View was good for me though, I got some meds that stopped the suicidal thoughts and learned coping skills and made some amazing friends (god I miss them). Now that I’m home though every day is a struggle to get out of bed and make it through the day, but somehow I do it. Im thankful for my amazing therapist, friends, mom and my amazing wednesday night support group. So today I’ll do things 5 min at a time and tomorrow will worry about itself.
So know that I love y’all and the post should be more frequent now 🙂